Tags » ‘purpose’

What It’s All About

July 4th, 2013 by

thoughtfullbb

Reposted from my other blog at CreateMotivate.com

 

Sometimes we lose sight of the big picture. Sometimes we need a slap in the head from the Universe to remind us – not of what we’re doing – but why we’re doing what we do. Our “busy-ness” comes from the what. Our fire comes from the “why”.

 

Nice Day for a Ball Game

It was a gorgeous Saturday morning in our fair city. And the championship game was on. Some of you know that, in addition to working in the education field, I have also moonlighted as a Little League baseball coach for the past four years. Four years ago, I didn’t even like baseball… but that’s another story altogether.

I coach the little guys… six and seven year-olds, fresh out of T-Ball. Our division is known as “Single A”… or, basically, the “little guys”. I’m happy with that division because, at that level, it’s not so much about winning as it is about learning basic skills and having fun. Once you get into the upper divisions,

it, sadly, becomes all about winning.

On this particular Saturday, I was watching the championship game of the AAA division (10 – 12 year-olds). It wasn’t just the league championship. It was the city championship. It was the first place team of our league (the American League) versus the first place team of our cross-town rival (the National League). One of the kids on the American League team was older brother to one of the little guys on our Single-A team, and he had helped us throughout the season with basic baseball skills, so I wanted to get out and support him in the city championship.

By the time I arrived, the game was already underway.

 

What Did You Just Call Me?

“Hey Coach!” said the man a couple of people down from me in the crowd (even after four years, I still find it a bit unnerving that grown men will call you ‘coach’ when they see you).

“Hey there…” I recognized the man’s face, but I couldn’t place it. I knew that I had met him somewhere in baseball, but couldn’t place him. I hate it when that happens.

I continued to watch the game. One of our batters came up – I recognized him. Miles. I had known him as a member of one of the opposing Single-A teams two or three years back. And, last year, I had a chance to coach him when I took on the managing duties for the league’s 9-year-old “runner up” All-Star Team (a team made up of the twelve second-best 9 year-old players). The “runner-up” (or B-Team as they were called) All Star-Team was a job that no one really wanted to take on, but I agreed to after a conversation with the league president saying that they wouldn’t get to play in any tournaments if no one agreed to coach them… and, like Obi-Wan in the original Star Wars, I was the last best hope for them to continue into the post-season.

Then it hit me… the man who had spoken to me earlier was Miles’ father. It figured that I didn’t remember him that well… the “B Team” had only spent about 3 weeks together – enough to practice and play in 2 or 3 postseason tournaments.

Between innings, Miles’ father came up to me again and provided one of those “smacks to the head” of which I spoke before.

 

A Friendly Smack In The Head From the Universe

“You know,” he started. “Miles wouldn’t be playing today if it wasn’t for you.”

“Unhh….” With conversation starters like these, I’m never sure exactly what to say.

“After last season, he was ready to quit baseball,” Miles’ dad said. “But because of your positive coaching of the All-Star Team – well, he’s back this year.”

And playing in the city championship, I thought.

At that point, it’s hard to describe what I felt. Pride. Humility. Affirmation. Significance.

And then it hit me, this is why I do what I do.

The whole point is making a difference in the lives of the children and youth that I touch.

And, honestly, I believe that making a difference is the ultimate payoff for 90% of the teachers, coaches, rec specialists… all those who work with children and youth.

But it’s so easy to forget.

Miles may not grow up to play in the major leagues (but then, again, after seeing the way he deftly handled a line drive coming at 50 mph toward his head in the bottom of the sixth, maybe he will). But that’s not the important part. Sure, no matter if his baseball career ends tomorrow or at a retirement of his jersey from the San Francisco Giants in the year2045, I’ll be proud of the small part I played in his development. The real brass tacks of the matter is that I made a difference in this kid’s life.

 

And Here’s the Real Secret of Your Universe

pushups

The killer bottom line here is that, if you work with kids, children, youth… anyone in a mentor-like capacity, you’re making that same difference with them every day you show up.

And my guess is that you don’t remember that you make that difference… at least you don’t remember more than you do.

One of the earliest thought-leaders I can remember learning from in the educational field is Betsey Haas. Her tag line is “I make the difference.”

Go write that down on an index card and put it in your pocket. Or, better yet, in your shoe. Anywhere you’ll notice it. And remember that whether you know it or not, whether you get feedback on it or not, you make the difference.

The Oliver Project

January 21st, 2013 by

Back in October of 2012, our family dog, Oliver, was diagnosed with lymphoma.  The vet gave him one month to live.  Of course, we were hit hard- we had gotten Oliver through NorCal Golden Retriever Rescue… his previous owner had been a victim of foreclosure, and, for reasons I don’t understand, had left town… and left Oliver chained up in the yard.

OllieWhen he came into our lives, Oliver was about 8 or 9 years old (nobody is really sure- it was an estimate from the vet), and he stole our hearts straightaway.  Good-natured and loyal, he loved the attention lavished upon him, and with stoic grace, he bore the slings and arrows of a newborn, and then a toddler, running amok in the house as well.

So… back to the lymphoma.  At 14 or 15 (whichever estimate is correct), Oliver had had a long and happy life.  As the one month stretched into two… then three, and four, we felt blessed to have him around for whatever time we got.  The steroid medication seemed to be keeping the cancer at bay, and then, two weeks ago, the unthinkable happened.  He got out of the front door which was carelessly left open (we live on a busy street), and wandered between two parked cars and was hit by a pickup that didn’t have time to react after he darted in front if it.

A trip to the emergency pet hospital proved futile… somehow Oliver had escaped all injury (“He’ll be a little sore, sure, but no broken bones or internal bleeding” the kind vet added).  The next day, at our regular vet, she commented, “Oh I heard he decided to commit suicide” (dark humor- not what you usually expect from your kindly country veterinarian).

Up through Saturday, Oliver was play fighting with our cat (Chairman Meow), and chasing squirrels in the backyard.

Then on Sunday, suddenly, his demeanor had changed.  He wouldn’t eat.  Didn’t want to move much.  It was an effort to get him to swallow his pain pills (from the accident).   His legs grew wobbly, and he started drooling.

At about 9:30 p.m., as we were watching highlights from the day’s football games on the couch (just me and Oliver), he began to breathe harder.  And, then, just as suddenly, his body tensed… and then he slumped over.  Oliver was gone.

Now, I’ve never been with anyone, or any living thing (save a bug or two or one hundred when I was younger), who has died in my presence – until Oliver.

And here is the upshot of this post… until you have had this experience, it probably never hits you – how precious life is.  Or, as the musician Sting puts it… how fragile we are.

And, as cliche as it may seem, you realize that we are all in this tenuous game called life- and it could all end at any moment, without any warning.

So, like my mentor Dale Calvert often said, the question is- will you die with your music still inside you?

Each day is a gift – that is why we call it the present (thank you, Mary Kay Ash).  Like I always tell my kids each morning… this is the first day of the rest of your life… make it count.

I’m starting my own “Oliver Project”.  I’m consciously living each day from here forward as an expression of the joy and gifts I have to give.

The Primal Question

September 28th, 2012 by

Before we can even begin to discuss what needs to change in our system of education, we need to take a long, hard look at our raison d’etre for education in the first place.  Our cultural subconscious has been branded, as it were, since the 1950′s with the idea of what success looks like: more money, more power, more prestige.  And that is the ethic that we mindlessly hand down to our children: stay in school, even if it sucks, stick it out, get good grades, go get a “good” job, work your butt off for someone else’s profit for 50 years, retire, and hope you’ve socked enough money away that you don’t starve in your old age.

But what we are finding through the generations since the end of WWII is that having this “more” mentality has had some adverse effects.

People doing unrewarding, personally meaningless work because it pays well or because someone along the line told them they “should” pursue a certain career.  Important, necessary work falling to the wayside or relegated to the underclasses (or socially masochistic) because it has not been glamorized by our culture.  A subculture of people who will disregard ethics, principles, and even the rule of law if a certain activity will fill the “more” mold set forth by society.

As Brendon Burchard has written in his latest book, The Charge, Maslow’s hierarchy is now turned on its head.  In today’s uber-connected, sped-up, and super-informationalized society, our base needs have pretty much become a given.  Today, the poor of our country aren’t those who can’t afford food- they’re the ones who can’t afford cable TV and cell phones.  And behind this fast, profound change that we find our society amidst, is our human search for meaning… our drive to be fulfilled and live lives of purpose.

So… what does this have to do with education?

Today’s education model is still trying to turn out, assembly-line style, “workers” for the old economy.  People who will go accept any job to grab hold of a rung to try and climb to “the top”, wherever that is.  Children are told to sit down, shut up, and listen; the single most valued character trait in today’s schools is compliance.

Rarely are our children given any tools to understand, much less seek, fulfillment.  Rarely do our schools speak to children about meaning and purpose.  Yet new psychological studies are showing that children who do understand and have intrinsic representations for purpose and meaning are more apt to learn and contribute (See William Damon’s book “The Path to Purpose”).

So the question that must be asked is this: at the end of our kids’ compulsory education, do we want factory-ready worker drones, or do we want thinking adults with an intrinsic link to the meaning of being human?

I realize that it is not as simply dichotomous as presented above… but I do know that if we are to evolve as quickly as our technology is moving, we need to start questioning the foundation – the reasons – for our educational systems.

Finding Purpose and Meaning
It’s time for schools to foster the incubation of little humans’ search for meaning and purpose